Hippy Puppy.
It's bad enough when literally every other dog is bigger than you, squirrels don't respect you as a dog, and you have to twirl in circles to get poop to come out of your butt. Then you have to eat the mommy's hair out of the shower drain and make a hair turd necklace which trails behind her tiny hiney and needs a helping hand to get that last, stubborn shit bead to let go. Some people in the human world would find this pleasurable if only they had bowels that could perfectly craft little, hard, turd beads and attach them to long hairs somewhere during the journey through the intestines and space them out just so. Bet she could tie a cherry stem in a knot with that teeny tiny sphincter.
At any rate, my big sweet dog always got the last bite out of just about every meal I had but Teeny Tiny puppy dog is sensitive to a regular diet but not so much to my post, almost lost part of my foot, diet.
She can't have garlic or onions which is in most foods Italian women cook and that's our doggy momma...thought I was done having to give up my last bite especially now that my diet is mostly plant based crap that no sane dog would eat but not the gross little puppy dog.
She eats fake chicken that my big dog turned his nose up to rest his soul, he wasn't having any part of fake chickens, fruits or vegetables-he might lick off the good stuff but he spit out the veggies, even the pineapple off the wife's Hawaiian pizza.
But not Teeny Tiny. Other than being a poop canofmanure (connoisseur) which makes sense as she is a teacup Poodle/Pomeranian ergot a teacup PooPoo, she also eats bananas. I now have to share the last bite of every banana with her OR she goes completely BERSERK! She starts pushing the cats away as if they give a DAMN about HER banana and barking with that shrill, paralyzing bark and spinning in circles like something out of the Exorcist.
Her bark sets off the same "loud environment" warning on my smart watch as playing in the band does. Except her barking short circuits my brains synapses, disabling the ability to think clearly, generating a wicked mind ache that is like an alien defense mechanism for what SHE perceives as wrong headed behavior like trying to throw out HER banana peel.
I'm sure long term exposure to little dogs barking in an enclosed space like an RV or automobile is what's wrong with those tourist who stop on top of the bridge into Key Largo as if there were NO traffic behind them. When you see them get out at the Tourist info center they have a glazed over, cult member-esque, blank smile and all attention revolves around the yappy little dog, clearly in charge of the entire entourage. Not even opium can protect the brain from the painful bark of "correction".
Meanwhile the kitty cats take care of the bullying and barking problem THEIR way. They know Teeny Tiny eats anything that hits the floor as fast as she can get her freakishly long, little tongue around it like a lizard. So they wait on the old man to leave a marijuana "roach" in the ash tray and patiently wait for the little puppy to follow the old man back into the room and OOPS!, there goes the ashtray off the desk and sure enough, Teeny Tiny eats the roach while the old man is still trying to react with everything happening so fast I didn't even have time to cuss or notice the roach missing or more likely spaced out the fact it was there in the first place.
A little while later I notice the cats lounging around on the floor instead of UP on something like they didn't have a care in the world. Wow! Teeny Tiny must be settling down and growing out of that puppy phase, I dreamed. Then I notice some throw up with what looks to be a roach paper. No, the cats mellowed the dog out the old fashioned way, with weed.
Now you would think Teeny Tiny would've learned her lesson about fucking with the cats but she's turned into a hippy puppy and thinks the cats are her "dude". She depends on the cats to grab roaches out of the ash tray before the old man re-rolls them which they do and they give them to her because they like mellow, hippy puppy better than the obnoxious barky bark crazy puppy.
But don't worry- it's Florida medical "flower", almost the same strength as '80's era ditch weed.
Peace and Love!
Why the short yellow lead? The wife can't pick her up without it. That's a whole nother story.
Comments