And your substitute today is...
Early in my struggle to find a steady music "gig" schedule I had to do some unusual things for income in-between gigs. Drug testing was becoming all the rage in "Just Say No" America so that eliminated a lot of possibilities as I wasn't keen on this latest attack on our personal freedoms.
My mom was the "Curriculum Coordinator" for a school in the Brevard County School system and hooked me up with a substitute job at her school. On one occasion I filled in for the custodian/janitor, a gentleman named Al Skanes who had been at the school since I was a student there. He had some health issues as do most people who like a good alcohol buzz by noon and temporary employees weren't required to take a drug test...yet.
It was a fairly easy job. Replacing fluorescent tubes and their starter boxes was the main task as a school has hundreds of them, putting that puke absorbing powder down and vacuuming it up was a close second, who knew that elementary school age kids were such prolific pukers?
Another time I substituted for the physical education teacher. The little kids were fairly easy to manage but the older kids had to try you. With my mom having the reputation of strict disciplinarian at the school all I had to do was threaten them with going to see my "momma".
The school didn't have a cafeteria so the kids ate at what ever class they were in so I had a lunch class outside by the playground and equipment shed. All the kids gathered in their circle and I grabbed my lunch sack and sat down with them.
As I started taking my peanut butter sandwich out of the bag the kids pointed and said "EEWWW! You got ANTS on your sandwich!". They weren't fire ants and I was hungry so I looked at the kids and said, "Ants are good for ya'" and proceeded to eat my sandwich. These were second graders and soon they were all sticking their food by the ant pile and started eating ants.
By the end of the school day I was the one having a conversation with my mom as she explained how impressionable these kids were and sure enough the next day the word had spread about my ant eating and now ALL the classes wanted me to eat bugs in front of them not to mention the parents who were now inquiring who the hell told their kids to eat bugs. I guess they had never heard of chocolate covered ants.
Luckily another music gig popped up and I was back on the road again before the PTA could form a lynch mob and the Baptist could excuse me of "Satan" worship for telling kids bugs were good for them even though John the Baptist ate locust.
Peace and Love and here's to "high"er education.
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